"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God..."
~Hebrews 12:15 (
ESV)
"...weep with those who weep."
~Romans 12:15 (
ESV)
Off to an Odd Start
Umm....sympathy? What kind of topic to start a set of writings is sympathy? Perhaps it seems odd to start here, and perhaps it is. But let me tell you why I begin a series on seeing that grace is present in your life and conduct with a focus on sympathizing: Because it may be difficult to grasp other areas of extending and receiving grace in our lives if we are not sympathetic to the reality of struggle and the reality of grace for struggle. My intention is to knock away hesitation to accept the reality of these things from the outset and say, "let's get down to earth together and do life alongside each other."
Where We're Going
When we hear the word, "sympathy," we often might think of experiencing sorrow alongside someone that has just experienced pain--making the pain of someone else your pain. And that is a form of sympathy.
Our focus is on a wide-spread, but intentionally specific sympathy to any situation outside of us (situations experienced by other people).
Why We Need This
Why do we "need" a general sympathy toward others? Well, there's a very real lesson that can be learned (if we are attentive) from life as we progress through life and that lesson is:
Human Hardship and Struggle is Real.
It is real and should not be denied! If we go through life denying and dismissing that the complaint of another person just might have a true struggle behind it, we will be high (in our own eyes), self-righteous, cold, hard Christians lacking aptitude to understanding others. Resultantly, people will naturally be drawn away from an unfeeling person when they need help--a sure hindrance to personal evangelism and contribution to God's work in the church.
Coming to the Reality of Other Peoples' Pain
It's my turn to testify to what the Lord has pried at my own heart and taught me in terms of my own pride.
I can recall specific types of weaknesses that, in the past, I assumed others had in different areas and thereby judged them internally as "weak." A big part of my problems was that...
- I had forgotten that I have the same weakness by default and have lived in it,
- I had failed to remember that any transformation in my life is purely the grace of God and I would still be dwelling in that weakness were it not for the grace of God,
- I dismissed that you've got to start somewhere and there is a time to learn everything
- I had not experienced that person's hardship myself and therefore would have a harder time relating,
- I had dismissed the power of God's transforming grace and the fact that it is available to all, believer for sanctification and unbeliever for saving salvation and then sanctification,
- I had forgotten my own struggles and the grace shown me.
So what does God often use to break down this kind of pride in our lives? Well, He gives us hardships of our own. He gives us struggles that put our faith to practice and that reveal to us that it really is hard to be a Christian in this life and world--that...
we humans really do lose sight of God, that
we really do need restoration for drifting, that
we really do get honestly frustrated with prayer, that
we really do tend toward attempting to earn grace and focus on performance rather than God working and reigning down daily, already-paid-for grace on us, that
we really can become angry at God for lack of change in our lives--whether that be circumstances or sin--and that that is a very real, dangerous struggle, that
people are lusting creatures and it is not abnormal to find things that you hate in your heart--dark desires for forbidden things--and that that also is a very real and dangerous and fight-able battle, that
people really do struggle at times to worship God--whether it be due to condemnation for wrong, dryness of spirit, a learning season simply ordained by God (as all seasons are), or spiritual starvation.
And of course, there is a myriad of other real struggles of people. Why deny these struggles exist? Let us instead put them on the table and live the fight together and alongside each other.
A Confession
Let me give a couple revealing examples from my own life:
I have judged countless people for not engaging in musical worship on Sunday mornings when I've stood among the congregation. Sure, my passion was genuine and my excitement for what we were singing about was real, but there was a disconnect in my thinking between the grace I was excited to sing about and extending it to those immediately around me as we sang! Sheesh. The way God has worked on this was by giving me plenty of hardships and dry seasons that made it evident--this is a human issue, not a "them" issue. I haven't always felt like worshiping on Sunday mornings, neither have I worshiped enthusiastically every Sunday. I've come with burdens, condemnation, dryness, and starvation. I need help like anyone else.
Plus, I remember a teen retreat I attended in my teen years (duh) back in 2002. The worship so affected a quiet, fearful, sinful young man (me) that it was a breakthrough moment in my life. I moved from being fearful that anyone would even see my mouth move in worship to leading worship with passion. It took a miraculous work of God to get me that willingness--and it will for others too. That's the wonderful reality.
I have seen relational difficulties--relationships ended or consumed by conflict. I assumed there was something characteristically wrong or weak with a guy or girl if a courtship didn't work out for them--until I experienced the most excruciating relational difficulty myself. When a close friend abruptly and ungraciously ended a friendship with me despite my efforts of reconciliation (and I had failed to lead in that friendship too), I felt wronged (and of course we need to monitor our hearts against claims that we were wronged when in reality it is "simply" or mostly a hard time handling someone else's well-meaning action). I was hurt. I was crushed. It was real. It was excruciating. I was now in the place of the people I judged.
Previous beliefs of mine would have led me to believe, "boy, if I ever had a relationship cut off from me like that, I would just say, 'it's all for my good and I'll learn from it and move on.'" Not so. There are people apparently more able to do that, but for me there was a lot of work to do. I need God's grace to this day for it and always will.
There are more examples I could give, but I want to make a point: I have an honest sympathy and passion to encourage others in those and other situations because God called me through the same heat of trial. It was through those tests that God stripped me from my arrogant pedestal and brought me to fellowship and sympathy and encouragement of other struggling pilgrims on the same path. Yes, it was meant for good. Yes, I still struggle with the outcome of my life. Yes, there is more yet to be revealed as to why this happened.
Helpful vs. Non-Helpful Counsel
I can tell you one thing, the least helpful counsel I received in those times (by perhaps well-meaning individuals) was this:
"Just get over it!"
Not helpful.
The most-helpful counsel I have received in any circumstance was when the individual attempting to help me did the hard work of coming down to my level and truly tried to understand what it might be like to be in my position and have experienced my struggle. Anyone I've in turn feebly attempted to help was more affected by understanding than anything else. That's not a pointing to myself, it's only a testimony to what God does through hardship and how sympathy really does make fellowship more valuable.
Small Cautions
Now, there are small cautions to this. It is possible to be only sympathetic to the point one is not even helped and their issues are never addressed. It is critical to any true friendship to contain the aspect of input, correction, and feedback. But let us not forget to pave the way there by following our Lord's example. Read the Gospels and you will quickly see a Savior of compassion and sympathy for the lost, broken, sinful, hurting, and those experiencing loss. Next time, we'll look at some examples from the life of Christ that I trust will minister to our souls in learning to see to grace in our lives and the lives of others.
"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God..."
~Hebrews 12:15 (
ESV)
Challenge and Application Questions
- What were you convicted by while examining your own heart?
- Could you relate with my mistakes?
- Can you relate with lessons born from humbling hardships?
- To whom specifically can you extend sympathy, grace, companionship, and pilgrim-like friendship?
- What about your outlook on other peoples' hardships do you have faith God will work in?
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