"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."
~Galatians 5:13 (
ESV)
Last time we looked at the privilege of Biblical fellowship and church relationships. We are looking again at church relationships but this time narrowing it down a little bit to the way that guys and girls relate to one another.
An Oft-Repeated Question
A question often asked among Christian singles is, "How am I to relate to the opposite sex?" This is a good question that has been replied to with a plethora of answers--many of them right, and many of them misleading or unBiblical. However, our goal is not to see what our convictions are based on who are because we're all different people, but rather to realize that the Lord's standard for all His creation is His perfect character, evidenced by the following words from Scripture:
"You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
(Matthew 5:48)
"...He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him...."
(Ephesians 1:4)
"since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy.'"
(I Peter 1:16)
Scripture takes our eyes off of our selves and our needs, and focuses them on God and His perfect character, which is our standard. So instead of focusing on our convictions based on ourselves and our differences, we are to focus on our convictions based on God's Word and realize that Scripture holds us all to the same standard--His perfect character. Nowhere in Scripture do we find a verse that says, "Be and strive for at least this amount of Godliness" or "cultivate holiness to a certain degree," but rather (though perfection is not attainable in this lifetime) we have a perfect standard toward which we ever strive.
What really Matters
It is impossible to cram all of the useful points there are on this topic into a little blog post. However, there is one central theme that matters in singles relationships that cannot be absent if a Biblical perspective and Biblical convictions are to remain, and it goes right back to last time's post (Click here if you'd like to read it). It's Biblical fellowship. The one thing that bonds Christians together in agápē love is the salvation of Christ. He has filled us as Christians with His own Holy Spirit. Only because of this are we able to love one another.
So what is it that matters? It is relating to one another on the basis of Salvation. Are you relating with other singles on the basis of Christ? Are your friendships centered on talking with one another about the One Thing that matters, Christ? If we dismiss this as the center of all of our relationships, we will never find joy in our relationships because joy is found only in Christ. But when our entire lives are centered on Christ, our relationships and what we talk about with one another will resultantly be affected. It will be all that matters to us and as a result of that will even make sociality and humour more enjoyable (though not the goal, this is another evident endless blessing from the Lord).
Missing the Mark - Distractions from Biblical Relationships
And what better way to care for one another. Truly caring friends truly care for one another's souls and one another's walk with the Savior. If this is absent, we're missing the point. When you relate to or meet someone, are they your brother or sister in the Savior first or a potential spouse? Do you think of them as your companion in growing in the Lord first or your desired companion? Are they a blessing from the Lord to grow in grace along-side first or someone to satisfy your selfishness? When we fail to relate to one another as brothers and sisters first, we become far too easily distracted and are settling for so much less than the Lord has for us. There is so much more than to idolize a relationship and/or marriage--there is sweet love of the Savior to be built, cultivated, and enjoyed among God's church. And it is so much more enjoyable than getting what we want for the sake of getting what we want. For now, I may leave further expansion on these distractions to a future post.
Free, Sweet Grace Available!
This is a growing process, and grace is available! How the Lord has worked on this in my own self. My fellowship used to be stagnant and relating to the opposite sex was such a pressure because the wrong questions were constantly about my mind such as, "could she be the one?" But through much teaching for which I am greatly thankful, the Lord has transformed my thinking to enjoy the freedom of Biblical fellowship with all my brothers and sisters in the Lord. And indeed this is what the Lord wills for us, rather than being paralysed by the wrong questions that are likely the fruits of anxiousness, selfishness, fear of man. The Lord wants us to enjoy and bear fruit in our relationships with all the saints, not just the one(s) you like or are interested in. God Himself shows no partiality (See Roman 2:11), and so neither should we since we are being conformed to His image. Want to see what really matters in relationships? Fall in love with Jesus Christ! Let Him alone saturate your life and relationships with others! Enjoy the freedom He has saved you to (Galatians 5:1,13) in your relationships!
"Father, thank You for saving us to blessed freedom in Your Son--freedom to be holy and enjoy You! O, may our relationships with one another be saturated with You and not ourselves! Help us to place aside our desires and passionately seek You first!! Amen!"
Challenge and Application Questions
- What do you cultivate in all of your relatioships with others (there should be consistency)?
- Do you initiate Biblical fellowship with the desire to serve?
- Are you more concerned with impressing others or building others up in love (I Thessalonians 5:11)?
- Where have you been selfish in your relationships with others? Where can you grow?
- How has the Lord's grace been evident in your relationships with others? How have you been changed by the renewing of your mind in this area?
Recommended Resources
Covenant Life One Ministry Relationships Series
(Scroll down to "Relationships")
