A Fallen Pilgrim's Discourse

Oh Father,
What grace has ordained for me such pain?
What sovereignty has chosen for this pilgrim
That he should walk through fire and ashes and filth?

My hands cling feebly to your grace,
While my body rebels against me and enters into places of death.
I could not hold on any longer to the purity which once defined me,
I had not the spiritual Water to convince me to keep on.

Not that the Water had left me, but I failed to drink it.
A dehydrated being I stood, expecting to continue on in grace,
But instead stumbled, then stumbled in the midst of stumbling
And alas crashed to the ground in sin and hurt and pain.

Oh, to see your face again!
How can I see it when my own lies now burrowed in the dust?
My limbs are broken, and my muscles find not strength to even move or lift themselves.
My life is broken. My soul is broken. I am broken to pieces.

Rain now falls upon my rotting carcass--or so it feels I am a carcass.
What use am I in the kingdom of God? Why have I been called here to die?
Oh, the pain and sorrow I feel in this moment.
All I have built with you is lost--the strong walls have crumbled.

The stream of rain that now runs under my shattered face is refreshing;
At least there is a little hope--if only a little.
A little is all I need to know that you are still here.
Where are you?

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over."

Ah--how I remember those words.
Yet they have been forgotten by me.
How I should love to cherish them again!
What have I done?
What happened so quickly?

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever."

I shall die now.
I shall die now.
I shall die.
I am open to You, God.
Will You take me now?

Why answer You not?
Have I--
Yes, I have.
I have broken our fellowship.
God, is there hope for one who has done as I have done?
Help! Answer! Curse my life. It is a loss! I hate it!

I am in such turmoil
Yet I have this nagging little pull of life that won't leave me alone
What is that? Lord, what?
Who are You? Are you hope?

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I now experience desert. I have been laying here for years.
My eyes are dry as my lips.
The light and heat is so bright,
Yet it illuminates things I could not see before.
Howcome I can't learn these things when on my feet?
Why not teach me before I am in such a hopeless predicament?

God, You are good. I am stupid.
I lie here with everything stripped away.
I am such a fool--so blind.
I was more blind when I could see.
I thank Thee that my eyes are now dried out.
I thank Thee that Thou hast taken the limbs I used for sin
For pinning me here to the ground.
It is almost now humorous--
Yet I don't know how I have come to that given my initial state when I fell.

Perhaps then I have not broken our fellowship.
I haven't, but rather neglected our communion to only harm's way...

Will I be rescued soon? No?
No.
Okay.
Gah! I wish to move on with life!
Will you satisfy me in You?
I find it wrong humanly to ask for that, but it would be sin not to.
There is nothing wrong with asking that one be filled with His God and not the world.

I vomit.
I see what I have been consuming in Your place now being cast to the heat.
My vomit is turning of a human's stomache,
Yet I strangely find no more beautiful sight right now--
For what be expelled now is what causes me to be in rotting state.
What casts it out is what caused the purifying river to flow beneath my face
Leave me, vomit, and be no longer my god.
May I not return to you again as dogs do to theirs!

I'll wait for you God, for you are continuing now the work You began.
I see it now.
I see it.
My living or dying be in Your hands.
You will complete Your work.
I will not die; I will live again...
I trust you; help me trust you.
I love You, God.
I love...You.

"...for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."
-Psalm 42:11

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A God Who Hears and Answers

"'I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a house of sacrifice. ...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.'"

~2 Chronicles 7:12-13 (ESV)

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A God Who Hears

The Lord hears prayer. The words and pleas uttered from our mouths and that resonate unspoken in our hearts all meet His Fathering ear. None are unheard; none are disregarded. More powerful is the Father's hearing of us than the audible speaking and hearing of two humans conversing. More caring is the Father's heart for us than a mother's affection to her nursing child. And more important and powerful are the Father's acts of grace toward us than the transfer of any earthly gift from one human to another.

A God Who Sympathizes

Our God, more than anyone, sympathizes with your specific weaknesses:

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

His ear is not mute when you bring your complaint and struggle. His back is not turned to you at any time. He is Father, He is welcoming, He will not condemn His saved children. So fear not that He will fail to sympathize, for He will not. Instead, He will counsel and shepherd you back to His pasture. He will tell you a million times and beyond about the cross, for that is where we are convicted, refreshed, and changed.

A God Who Answers

So then why has not your prayer been answered? Why have you cried so long with nothing but "pray more" as an answer? Why have you had your heart seemingly ripped from you and the pain remains when you have brought it time and time again?

Oh the mystery of how our God works. I wish I could give an easy answer, but none of us have it. It's part of what keeps us chasing after more of Him. I speak not from a position of no experience, for, though I speak not much of it, my life has been long full of difficulty, hurt, struggle, pain, and unfortunate circumstances. But I can say this, though in the midst of great trial now:

A long time in the coming, and coming still I am--I have experienced much more of the goodness of God than I have of my excruciating life. And I know it will always be that way because God is always that way and ever will be that way.

Therefore I am happy, though earthly sad at times and through seasons. Therefore I still experience joy--such as a pool of water sitting in the middle of the desert. Sometimes that pool runs low due to the heat, then rains pass over and it is full again though the surrounding sand remains dry.

What we know are the solid promises of God:

"'[I]f my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.'" (2 Chronicles 7:12-13)

"[B]ecause, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 5:8)

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." (Romans 5:8)

Dive into the Word; you will never stop finding His promises there! He will only ever answer and act with what is best for you--even if it's an answer of, "No."

The Non-existent Answered Prayer

So great God's passion for His glory and love for us that there was one specific prayer never uttered in all history prior to God providing the solution. And yet, this un-uttered prayer was the most critical and important prayer that needed uttering--the cry for salvation.

God sent His Son in answer to the need only he knew existed--the human need of a Savior. Therefore we should feel quite content if we find ourselves still without earthly possession or position--for our greatest need is met in Christ. That is not always easy to grasp, but behold! We can (and indeed let us) pray and ask that God in His kindness would bring us there--He is a God who hears, sympathizes, answers, and acts.

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Challenge and Application Questions

• Have you brought your burdens to God lately?
• Is there wisdom in praying and waiting while continuing to live by faith?
• What promises of God are you storing in your heart?
• What promises of God is He working to bring you to believe? In what related ways is He training you to trust Him?
• Whatever be your need and whatever be your unanswered questions, will you seek to apply prayer as the first solution to the immediate struggle for long-term hope?

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Constrain Us Never to Leave

"Glorious Lord, constrain us that we may never leave Thee, but dwell by the well of the living God."

~Charles H. Spurgeon (Morning and Evening for February 17/AM)

Daily Thought: Restoration of the Ruined

"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you."

~Joel 2:25 (ESV)

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Damage Inexplicable

Ruined. The Christian felt ruined--ruined in the sense that so much damage had been done to his faith, his zeal, and his passion for God that speaking of how he got there seemed far from an explainable story. It seemed one day he was an extremely passionate servant, rejoicing at the mercy of God and the next--a sinner wondering if he even was a Christian and if there would ever be the slightest chance of being welcomed back home to the Father.

Further adding to the pain and guilt was that this damage was inflicted not only by draining bitterness at the acts of others, but primarily at his own hand of sin. He is no victim, he is a Christian met face-to-face by his own weakness and desperate need for a Savior to trust.

I've been there; perhaps you have too.

And where is the only place hope can be found for such wretches?

HERE:

There is no human so wrecked by sin that He cannot lift up and bring to life.

There is heart so wicked that He cannot cleanse and transform.

There is no sin that His Son's death did not provide payment for.

He loves His glory; He hates our sin. And that is why He so rejoices to bring unbelievers to Himself and bring strayed children back to Himself.

Take hold of the Gospel and never forget it!

The Prodigal
You held out Your arms, I walked away
Insolent, I spurned Your face
Squandering the gifts You gave to me
Holding close forbidden things
Destitute, a rebel still, a fool in all my pride
The world I once enjoyed is death to me
No joy, no hope, no life

Where now are the friends that I had bought
Gone with every penny lost
What hope could there be for such as I
Sold out to a world of lies
Oh to see Your face again, it seems so distant now
Could it be that You would take me back
A servant in Your house

You held out Your arms, I see them still
You never left, You never will
Running to embrace me, now I know
Your cords of love will always hold
Mercy’s robe, a ring of grace
Such favor undeserved
You sing over me and celebrate
The rebel now Your child

© 2009 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

Recommended Resources
Sons & Daughters
Song: The Prodigal by Sovereign Grace Music

Daily Thought: "I Get Off Here"

The enemy of our soul will always tempt us, threaten us, and try to strike up fear in us by way of end-time lies. Her will tell us...

• "You may as well give it up now--God will not take you back after your blatant sin."
• "The prodigal son was just an exception--he came back to God quicker than you, so God accepted that wanderer back."
• "You've sinned greater than all others" (which is true), "so you're the one 'black sheep' He'll condemn on the last day. You're out of reach of His forgiveness" (which is not true)!
• "God's forgiveness can only go so far and then He is unforgivingly angry with you. Don't you think you've reached His 70 times seventh forgiveness by now? You have already repeated this sin so many times!"
• This Christian life was once an enjoyable ride, but the restrictions and suffering you've experienced to follow this 'God'--is it really worth it? You may as well get off the train here and come enjoy pleasure. Give it up!

Christian runner, do not shrink God to a limited reverser of His Word as Satan would have you do. Satan's words are filled with lies and techniques that would use truths as arguement for fallacy (see the third bullet above).

For you, even you, to be out of reach of His forgiveness would be to say...

• The Gospel isn't sufficient for forgiveness of all sin.
• Christ died for no reason.
• God is a liar.
• The last words of Christ on the cross before He died, "It is finished!," were false and nothing but a dramatic ending to a pointless life.

None of which are true.

Have full faith in His faithfulness to forgive! Let His mercy drive you to repentance. Our God is the Awesome God and forgiver of the worst! Amen!

Daily Thought: Not the End - He Calls the Prodigal

This is not the end. Soul, this is not the end. Though you struggle and lose to sin seemingly more blatantly than ever you have in your life, this is not the end. Repent, my soul, for your sin is serious and His grace is great. Turn from wickedness because there is grace given to turn. Turn to Him because His arms are wide open with welcome. He will kill the fatted cow for you, young one--or old one. He will celebrate with all Heaven when you return. So make haste to the throne! He is calling you now! "Come home!"

Daily Thought: Our Daily Bread

Sometimes it takes the unlivable life of being without the Word for we Christians (dumb as sheep) to realize we can't live without it--that it is the Bread without which we cannot live, and its Author the Living Water without which we shall not last.

Daily Thought: Faith in His Faithfulness

How then can we depart from Him Who is our life? If He is the same God who raised up passion and belief in you back then, then He will do it again. As Charles Spurgeon said, have faith in His faithfulness! He is the SAME (and isn't that one of the most comforting words? "SAME!") yesterday (eternity past), today (right in this moment), and forever (eternity future)!

Daily Need

"Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand..."

~I Corinthians 15:1 (ESV)

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Hearing What You've Heard

Paul's words as laid out in I Corinthians 15 at basic level communicate, "I remind you of something you've already heard" and even "something you have already believed." Why preach so passionately something already known among this body of believers? Because they, as much as we all do, needed desperately to hear the Gospel again--to be refreshed by the power of the Gospel's transforming grace.

Possible Spiritual Death

We need it, lest we die--the Gospel that is. God has provided all that we need for life and Godliness through the Gospel. In other words, we have no access to the Father or the riches of His mercy (but through the glorious Gospel blood of Christ. He, as our Substitute, has paid the way to the throne of God, and lest we draw near to the throne each day by reminding ourselves of the Gospel we have believed and heard, we cannot keep a clear mind as to the very purpose of our days on earth, and drifting is possible.

Even the Strongest Need It

From weak to the Christian full of faith, we all need to hear the Gospel again every day. Strong saints have met the end of their walk for the Lord when they lost their intimacy with Christ, and all intimacy with Christ begins at the foot of the cross. Nothing else will do, not even other Biblical doctrines, for all guidance from all other Biblical doctrine is pulled into place because of their tie to the cross.

Not to Be Taken Lightly

Our relationship with Christ, our Savior, and the health of it is not to be taken lightly. Are we slowly drifting? Do we think we're not and yet half-hearted interest in God's holy Word or lack of passion in prayer could easily be observed in our times with the Lord? Let this be a gracious yet sobering warning of God's kindness: Our spirits are prone to wander and prone to sin and death lest we immerse ourselves in the Gospel each day.

"Father, what precious life we have been given! Enlarge our hearts to Your Gospel, we pray. May we never minimize it. Reveal lack of passion and heal us, Lord; heal us. May no passion of ours exceed that of the Gospel, and may the Gospel define our passions. Amen."

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Challenge and Application Questions

• Evaluate your affections for the Lord. Are you slowly drifting?
• Evaluate your passion for the Word and prayer. Where can you grow?
• What is your action plan for daily Gospel? If you don't have one, will you make one? When?
• Do you take your relationship with the Lord seriously?
• Where has pride been displayed in your thinking as far as believing you can do without the Gospel? How can this change?

Forever In Your Grace!

"No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you."
~Joshua 1:5 (ESV)

"Forever, You'll keep me in Your Grace, my Father.
And ever, we need not be afraid, for You're faithful."
-West Coast Revival

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I have failed,
I cannot do it
That is why Christ had to do it for me,
Live the perfect life impossible for all humanity to live

You have won,
I have nothing left to fear but You, O God
You keep me in Your grace always,
I face no condemnation for my sin

So all the more as I realize the wonders of Your love,
The wonders of Jesus crucified,
The less I fear the accusations of the enemy of my soul,
Who loves to remind me of my sin,
To try to deceive me into thinking condemnation remains,
That Your sacrifice is not sufficient to save from all sin

The enemy is defeated,
I know that my Savior lives!
Forever You'll keep me in Your grace,
My Father

Though I have failed,
Though I have questioned You so often,
Though I yet put Your face from my view at times,
Blessed mercy, how can it be?
You have forgiven and redeemed the poorly invested time,
I am still with You because You are with me,
And forever I am with You until I die

I cannot be without You!
I cannot walk in prudence and wisdom apart from You!
Father, hear my cry for help,
Come to the rescue of these needful bones

I cannot live without You,
Thank You for Your everlasting grace
That Your promise remains unbroken forever,
That You will never leave or forsake me

It's not about me, but all about YOU, JESUS!!!
We earn nothing before you, and cannot!
You freely show Your mysterious mercy to us,
And that is why we carry on

Thank You Jesus!

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Recommended Resources

• Accompanying Song: Forever In Your Grace by West Coast Revival