Seeing to Grace - Part 1: The Role of Sympathy (Sympathy - Part 1)

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God..."

~Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)

"...weep with those who weep."

~Romans 12:15 (ESV)

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Off to an Odd Start

Umm....sympathy? What kind of topic to start a set of writings is sympathy? Perhaps it seems odd to start here, and perhaps it is. But let me tell you why I begin a series on seeing that grace is present in your life and conduct with a focus on sympathizing: Because it may be difficult to grasp other areas of extending and receiving grace in our lives if we are not sympathetic to the reality of struggle and the reality of grace for struggle. My intention is to knock away hesitation to accept the reality of these things from the outset and say, "let's get down to earth together and do life alongside each other."

Where We're Going

When we hear the word, "sympathy," we often might think of experiencing sorrow alongside someone that has just experienced pain--making the pain of someone else your pain. And that is a form of sympathy.

Our focus is on a wide-spread, but intentionally specific sympathy to any situation outside of us (situations experienced by other people).

Why We Need This

Why do we "need" a general sympathy toward others? Well, there's a very real lesson that can be learned (if we are attentive) from life as we progress through life and that lesson is:

Human Hardship and Struggle is Real.

It is real and should not be denied! If we go through life denying and dismissing that the complaint of another person just might have a true struggle behind it, we will be high (in our own eyes), self-righteous, cold, hard Christians lacking aptitude to understanding others. Resultantly, people will naturally be drawn away from an unfeeling person when they need help--a sure hindrance to personal evangelism and contribution to God's work in the church.

Coming to the Reality of Other Peoples' Pain

It's my turn to testify to what the Lord has pried at my own heart and taught me in terms of my own pride.

I can recall specific types of weaknesses that, in the past, I assumed others had in different areas and thereby judged them internally as "weak." A big part of my problems was that...

1. I had forgotten that I have the same weakness by default and have lived in it,
2. I had failed to remember that any transformation in my life is purely the grace of God and I would still be dwelling in that weakness were it not for the grace of God,
3. I dismissed that you've got to start somewhere and there is a time to learn everything
4. I had not experienced that person's hardship myself and therefore would have a harder time relating,
5. I had dismissed the power of God's transforming grace and the fact that it is available to all, believer for sanctification and unbeliever for saving salvation and then sanctification,
6. I had forgotten my own struggles and the grace shown me.

So what does God often use to break down this kind of pride in our lives? Well, He gives us hardships of our own. He gives us struggles that put our faith to practice and that reveal to us that it really is hard to be a Christian in this life and world--that...

we humans really do lose sight of God, that

we really do need restoration for drifting, that

we really do get honestly frustrated with prayer, that

we really do tend toward attempting to earn grace and focus on performance rather than God working and reigning down daily, already-paid-for grace on us, that

we really can become angry at God for lack of change in our lives--whether that be circumstances or sin--and that that is a very real, dangerous struggle, that

people are lusting creatures and it is not abnormal to find things that you hate in your heart--dark desires for forbidden things--and that that also is a very real and dangerous and fight-able battle, that

people really do struggle at times to worship God--whether it be due to condemnation for wrong, dryness of spirit, a learning season simply ordained by God (as all seasons are), or spiritual starvation.

And of course, there is a myriad of other real struggles of people. Why deny these struggles exist? Let us instead put them on the table and live the fight together and alongside each other.

A Confession

Let me give a couple revealing examples from my own life:

I have judged countless people for not engaging in musical worship on Sunday mornings when I've stood among the congregation. Sure, my passion was genuine and my excitement for what we were singing about was real, but there was a disconnect in my thinking between the grace I was excited to sing about and extending it to those immediately around me as we sang! Sheesh. The way God has worked on this was by giving me plenty of hardships and dry seasons that made it evident--this is a human issue, not a "them" issue. I haven't always felt like worshiping on Sunday mornings, neither have I worshiped enthusiastically every Sunday. I've come with burdens, condemnation, dryness, and starvation. I need help like anyone else.

Plus, I remember a teen retreat I attended in my teen years (duh) back in 2002. The worship so affected a quiet, fearful, sinful young man (me) that it was a breakthrough moment in my life. I moved from being fearful that anyone would even see my mouth move in worship to leading worship with passion. It took a miraculous work of God to get me that willingness--and it will for others too. That's the wonderful reality.

I have seen relational difficulties--relationships ended or consumed by conflict. I assumed there was something characteristically wrong or weak with a guy or girl if a courtship didn't work out for them--until I experienced the most excruciating relational difficulty myself. When a close friend abruptly and ungraciously ended a friendship with me despite my efforts of reconciliation (and I had failed to lead in that friendship too), I felt wronged (and of course we need to monitor our hearts against claims that we were wronged when in reality it is "simply" or mostly a hard time handling someone else's well-meaning action). I was hurt. I was crushed. It was real. It was excruciating. I was now in the place of the people I judged.

Previous beliefs of mine would have led me to believe, "boy, if I ever had a relationship cut off from me like that, I would just say, 'it's all for my good and I'll learn from it and move on.'" Not so. There are people apparently more able to do that, but for me there was a lot of work to do. I need God's grace to this day for it and always will.

So it WAS Meant for Good?

There are more examples I could give, but I want to make a point: I have an honest sympathy and passion to encourage others in those and other situations because God called me through the same heat of trial. It was through those tests that God stripped me from my arrogant pedestal and brought me to fellowship and sympathy and encouragement of other struggling pilgrims on the same path. Yes, it was meant for good. Yes, I still struggle with the outcome of my life. Yes, there is more yet to be revealed as to why this happened.

Helpful vs. Non-Helpful Counsel

I can tell you one thing, the least helpful counsel I received in those times (by perhaps well-meaning individuals) was this:

"Just get over it!" Not helpful.

The most-helpful counsel I have received in any circumstance was when the individual attempting to help me did the hard work of coming down to my level and truly tried to understand what it might be like to be in my position and have experienced my struggle. Anyone I've in turn feebly attempted to help was more affected by understanding than anything else. That's not a pointing to myself, it's only a testimony to what God does through hardship and how sympathy really does make fellowship more valuable.

Small Cautions

Now, there are small cautions to this. It is possible to be only sympathetic to the point one is not even helped and their issues are never addressed. It is critical to any true friendship to contain the aspect of input, correction, and feedback. But let us not forget to pave the way there by following our Lord's example. Read the Gospels and you will quickly see a Savior of compassion and sympathy for the lost, broken, sinful, hurting, and those experiencing loss. Next time, we'll look at some examples from the life of Christ that I trust will minister to our souls in learning to see to grace in our lives and the lives of others.

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God..."
~Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)

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Challenge and Application Questions

• What were you convicted by while examining your own heart?
• Could you relate with my mistakes?
• Can you relate with lessons born from humbling hardships?
• To whom specifically can you extend sympathy, grace, companionship, and pilgrim-like friendship?
• What about your outlook on other peoples' hardships do you have faith God will work in?

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Church Relationships and the One Thing that Matters

"But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.'"

~Luke 10:41-42 (ESV)

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The Privilege of Biblical Fellowship

What a joy it is to serve and partake in Biblical fellowship--the drawing of one anothers' attention to the Creator and what He has done! When the Lord does His amazing work of regenerating one's heart from destruction to His child, a switch of center takes place. No longer are our relationships and conversations to be centered on ourselves and what we want or need, but on God, His attributes and character, Who He is, what He's done, and what He want to work in what He has created.

The Challenge to Biblical Fellowship

Mark Dever said it well:

"The call to evangelism is the call to turn our lives outwards--from focusing on ourselves and our needs to focusing on God, and the great truth about Him, and Who He is and about what He wants to do in His creation."
-New Attitude 2001

Though he is talking about evangelism in this context, this is very relevant to all of life and throughout our relationships in the church. I bring up a quote centered on evangelism intentionally, because if we are regularly, enthusiastically, and intentionally engaging in Biblical fellowship, it should effect the outward pursuit (meaning outside the community of believers) of evangelism.

The Shoot-the-breeze Temptation

Joshua Harris mentioned that it is easy for hours to go by without talking about the One Thing that matters. This is true, and it provoked me to increase even more in being intentional with conversation. It is easy to gather and "shoot the breeze," meaning to talk about whatever comes to our minds at the moment, have feeling-oriented or feeling-led conversations, or never move past the surface topics like how our day went. It is not wrong to talk about how our day or week went, but if we never move on from that to deeper Biblical conversation on a regular basis, this is where the Lord would change us in His faithful reminding grace. And it is an exciting change that requires death to selfishness and turning our lives outward.

The One Thing Needed

So what is the One Thing that matters? Let's learn from Jesus' teaching in Luke 10:38-42:

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'"

As Jesus taught here, the One Thing needed is Himself! Yes! Are we falling more and more in love with Jesus? If so, we cannot resist Biblical fellowship. Let us be careful, in living the cross-centered life, to center our interaction with other believers around this One Thing.

The Domino Effect

So what about sociality? What about humour? Well, what I have found is that the social times and humour are inevitably more enjoyable when our relationships are centered around Biblical fellowship! It is quite a wonderful thing to enjoy social time together and humour as the effect of our relationships being built and centered upon the One Thing that matters--the One Who has saved our souls. In fact, it is because Jesus has saved our souls that we are even able to enjoy fellowship, sociality, and humour. It is the primary effect of what Christ has done that we can with confidence enjoy Biblical fellowship and the "side effect" (if you will) of a relationship with Christ that we can shamelessly enjoy social times and good humour together.

The Wedding Feast

We will, for all eternity, enjoy our Creator and we will feast together at His table! May our gatherings now (ooh! I'm so excited!!) be anticipation and a glimpse of what we will do together for all eternity--fix our gaze permanently on Him!

"Father, how excited I am that You have called us into a life for You--the one kind of life that matters! Thank You for revealing Your Son to us by Your Holy Spirit and bringing light to our once darkened eyes that were blackened by our own sin. Now that we are new creations, increase our desire for more of You and having You be the center of our very being and entire lives! Thank You, Jesus!!! Amen."

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Challenge and Application Questions

• Are you regularly engaged in Biblical fellowship?
• How do you seek to cultivate and increase Biblical fellowship with other believers?
• If you are a guy, are you leading others (individuals and groups) into Biblical fellowship?
• If you are a lady, are you willingly engaging in opportunities to fellowship that arise? Do you support your brothers when they do lead? :]
• Do you also encourage others specifically to be intentional with Biblical conversation and fellowship?